The only thing worse than publicly apologizing for having nothing to say…is having too many thoughts invade your head at the same time, and being unable to disconnect one from another into coherent text. It’s sort of like being too buzzed to mix your own drink, or suffering from claustrophobia in your own head.
I’ve been thinking about boundaries. Fences, rivers, passport checks, doors, diaries, eavesdropping, blogs, and the fine line between nosiness and curiosity. Most people are naturally curious. That which separates them from busy bodies and tabloid journalist, is a modicum of self-restraint and a conscience.
Information is a commodity carefully distorted and manipulated to serve the purpose of the bearer. Every transgression is potential fodder public judgement, provided it doesn’t imply any ineptitude on the part of the individual sharing the incident. Every confession serves not to alleviate the soul, but is stored as surplus ammunition for a later date.
When kids reach a certain age, (I always wondered about this certain age bullshit. I presume it refers to the time period puberty occurs and kids are no longer fit to interact with polite society, though polite seems to be something of a misnomer. The word “certain” implies a specificity. As if there is a very rigid moment in which kids get all EMO and revert to speaking in one syllable sentences.) boundaries are more transparent. GIving a teenager the privacy they desire, by refraining from asking any questions, and not setting curfews, is equally as naive as falling asleep at the wheel of a speeding car. Teenagers need enough seclusion to masturbate without interruption, but not enough to hide a pound of grass in the spice cabinet, or streak at a political rally.
Should limits on relationships be posted visibly like No Trespassing signs, or do do those serve as an engraved invitation for having your panty drawer riffled? If a space isn’t posted as private, is it okay to assume it is public? It depends on who you ask. Most of the gossips I have known actually thought they were providing a public service to the community. And should they ind themselves the victim of that which they sewed, they suffered an enormous disconnect from what goes around, comes around.
I promised myself when I started this blog, I would be honest with myself and about myself even if it portrayed an ugly side to my demeanor. Everyone needs a neutral outlet to clear their head, and expel a little bile. That which makes us human isn’t always a pretty business, but it is who we are, flaws and all.
When I think about the potential of being discovered by family or friends who don’t know I participate in this alternative lifestyle, I don’t worry AS MUCH about the information gleaned, as I loathe the secrecy and violation of trust. It isn’t always what you learn about a person, but the methods in which you obtain the information. Lurking is a time honored tradition of bloggers, riffling through personal effects is not.
October 5th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Amen to every last word
October 5th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
amen. sounds like someone is doing something they ought not to do. how uncool of them.
October 6th, 2008 at 1:46 am
This is tough. Once I told my mom about my blog, I could never be as open as if I hadn’t. But then, if the blog were public, I would always have thought that at least my younger relatives might have found it and then talked about it and so still couldn’t have been as open. It’s an interesting line and one that I certainly feel.
October 6th, 2008 at 9:54 am
One problem with the blog as an outlet, specifically “secret” from people IRL, is that they - especially ones who don’t participate in blogging - cannot fathom that we share and discuss with strangers what we do not with them. It is they who would feel the blogger has been secretive and violated their trust.
I know from experience that one of the most common errors of parents is their inability to establish reasonable boundaries with their adult children. As a parent currently in the phase of almost-total care of my children, I can begin to understand how this role can be switched to “on” and be neglected to be switch off.
That one sentence, “It depends on who you ask” is the crux of it. It doesn’t seem as though the Golden Rule ought to be flimsy, flexible and forgettable.
October 6th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
sometimes I want to make a secret blog just so that I can say the things I need to say without my family knowing.
October 6th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
“alternate lifesyle”
“too buzzed to mix your own drink”
“as naive as falling asleep at the wheel of a speeding car”
You KILL me! Slay me with your words. As well as this has helped me decide what to do. I’m going to tip my underwear drawer onto the floor, exposing the little mouse hiding inside.
October 6th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
flutter, cheers, sister!
jen, from the conversations I’ve had with other bloggers, a lot of someones.
G, people maintain 2 blogs for the reasons you mentioned. For some there comes a time when the desire to say more is restricted by the audience. Every one deserves a place to vent about what is really on their minds without hurting those they are close to in the process.
de, that’s an excellent point. Though their justification is shaky, one violation of trust deserves another. WIth parenting, I mostly meant that rules regarding the privacy of children (i.e. under eighteen) are an exception to the cardinal rule about snooping. They aren’t mature enough to decide what is best for them therefor they deserve less latitude.
rachel, it’s easy to do. Change your identity, get a blog, email those you want to follow you, and if your really concerned about privacy, password protect your posts.
meno, will pictures be included?
October 7th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
oh my. I must ask what the hell is going on? And, were you reading me when my inlaws found me? A year and a half ago i would say. Awful just awful. i felt so violated because they judged. So hard. And in truth. My marriage, already brittle, has suffered even more because of it. Because of them. The power of the word. Or the underpants drawer. Your pick.
October 10th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
You know how I feel about this one…