I should be crawling into the Mister’s man cave to apologize for hurting his feelings…The thing is, I am not sorry in the least. I should be, but I’m not.
Why?
I’m not sorry for speaking up this time, because there have been dozens, maybe a hundred, other times I ate shit politely with a knife and fork, while he spoke rudely, loudly or inappropriately. Or because he found himself in a disagreeable situation because, he did not read the signs or heed warnings, and faced consequences for his actions. All those times I stood quietly singing the lyrics of Liz Phair’s What Makes You Happy in my head while he ranted and had his moment. I have allowed him many moments.
For all the times he interrupted me mid sentence to correct some seriously significant, or seemingly inconsequential detail about his profession or the specificity of detail, and completely obliterate any contribution or point I attempted to make. And for all the times I allowed him to slaughter the details of my profession and explain concepts to others he didn’t fully grasp.
So this time I called him on it. One time out of dozens. Eight hours have passed and I’m not sorry. I don’t believe in saying words that lack meaning.
Maybe tomorrow I will say it with feeling…
September 7th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
from the sound of this, it’s he who owes you the apology. Give him plenty of time to figure that out.
and try to get a good night’s sleep. I hate going to bed mad, or something like that.
September 7th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
I have caught myself interrupting my wife when she was trying to say something - sometimes I get in too much of a hurry to share what I have to say. At least I am aware of it and monitor myself. I’m trying to do better.
I hope you can find an emotionally neutral way to discuss this. you both deserve a chance to safely express your feelings about this. before another 8 hours elapse?
September 7th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Silence can be golden. It sounds like you owe him nothing. Sit with the knowledge that you are right.
And you are NOT a prickly cactus.
September 7th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Ah, and these are the sorts of circumstances I try to remember every time I’m wishing I weren’t alone…
September 8th, 2008 at 12:03 am
sounds like he owes you the apology
September 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Been there. Sorry you’re hurting!
September 8th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
de, going to bed mad = no sleep. I apologized before breakfast, so today will be a better day.
Bob, it’s been discussed before, but it seems to be an old habit. I doubt he’s aware of it most times. I can be non-confrontational for long periods of time but eventually, I have enough and speak my mind. I tend not speak so uh, delicately when I get around to doing so.
crazymumma, rarely, am I 100% right in any situation that is relationship related. I’m not so proud that I am unable to own my part of this mess. Yes, silence is golden, and terribly short-lived.
Daisy, these are definitely not the moments they feature in relationship PR packets. Alas, nothing is ever perfect, just various degrees of tolerable.
flutter, I got one and I gave as good as I got.
Diane Mandy, thanks. There is reassurance in knowing this will be short-lived. Just another bump in the road.
September 8th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I feel you. I have done it so many times, just to keep the peace. He rarely says he’s sorry, though. usualy he just plays the “I am madder at you than you are at me even though I was wrong” game for a while to see if it gets him anywhere. Then he acts sweet, like OK, I’m done being an ass, so everything is fine now.
September 8th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
hopefully this was a situation where his royal highness will realize that his own behavior is with fault. sounds like he needs to ease up.
September 8th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
oh yeah. I know these things.
Feel supported, at least by me.
September 9th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I think the category name says it perfectly!
September 9th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
the more I delve into this whole relationship game the more I realize how much we sacrifice to be in a couple and how much we learn. He is learning too it sounds like. But mostly I just know how you feel.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Gina, usually I am about smoothing things over quickly, and once the olive branch is extended things are resolved pretty quickly. This time, I needed him to know how much I overlook and ignore.
liv, he has been very jovial and attentive since the apology…so maybe.
meno, I thought you when I posted this, and wondered what would a seasoned veteran do?
sari, and more succinctly.
Maggie, I wouldn’t dare imply that one sex sacrifices more than the other, but I think as women we can sometimes be more aware of the sacrifices.