I Can’t Lift my Arms Over My Head, You’ll Have to Write Your Own Damn Title…Part Two
Part One is here
After the Mister discussed it with his son, the decision was basically left in my hands. The son would like me to be present to celebrate their vows, but understood if I was not comfortable doing so in the presence of outlaws and formers. The Mister accepted this and dropped the matter.
I opted out in consideration of my feelings and the Ex’s. My presence would have placed her in an awkward position. I hear she is easily rattled and responds inappropriately. It has been implied she is not a very happy person, and holds others responsible for her happiness. I won’t accept the burden of her joy, but seeing as she is less likely to be happy in her life, than I am in mine, she should witness the nuptials and experience the joy of seeing her son remarry without the distraction of an ex-husband’s twinkie. Besides, I knew when the day passed I would be happy again. Many times. I don’t know how many shots she has left at happiness, if she can’t find it in her self. Ideally, a wedding is a day, for mothers and fathers to experience the joy of having taught their children enough to start families of their own. The ashes of failed relationships has no place amidst the euphoria.
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Since the Mister had to drive past the old house, and the old town to reach the wedding destination, I decided to carpool with him and spend the weekend with my sister. If you have to burn that much gas, you might as well carpool.
We met my sister in a parking lot. When we arrived the Mister was talking on his cell, and I was talking on mine. The exchange was sort of abrupt. The process of de-phoning and transferring bags, interrupted the time usually reserved for formal good byes. My sister noted as we pulled out of the parking lot, “He didn’t want to leave you.” Yup, that’s my Mister.
We had a few errands before we went to Sister’s home. On our way to catch goldfish, (No, I’m not making this shit up) the Mister called to tell me something and decided to delay his next mission and help us catch fish. He doesn’t like saying good bye, even if it is temporary. He has a tendency to find me and stay with me a little longer. Departing twice seems easier than once.
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The wedding was lovely, the Mister showed me pictures on the drive home. Yes, home. It has nice ring to it. Mister Hombre looked quite handsome in his suit. The bride and groom looked equally stunning, and totally into each other. The Mister made transportation arrangements for the One Eyes to attend, and they seemed to have a good time.There was dancing, an open bar and shots. According to the Mister, all parties behaved civilly. Hopefully this will be a good omen for a lasting marriage.
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I suspect the Mister was disappointed I did not giving his feelings more consideration in this matter. Ultimately, I could have accused him of the same.
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Eventually, Baby Girl will marry and we will be staring this in the face again. When the time comes, I will handle it the same. It will be Baby Girl’s decision, not mine. She knows her mother best, and I trust that she will not take the decision lightly. That isn’t to say I know what she will deccide. It will always be up to the kids to decide which roles I play in their lives. I have no desire to win them over, only to be me. I enjoy their company for who they are, not who they aren’t. Mostly, it’s enough. Just being real.
June 5th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I think you handled it perfectly well
June 5th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Oh, and you and the Mister sound real in the Velveteen Rabbit, really loved way.
June 5th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I think this was the best possible outcome. Also, one thing that happens is that the sig other ends up leaving early, knowing you are having a miserable time vs. just going without you and staying as long as they want.
June 5th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Aren’t you nice??!!
Nicer than i might have been. But that’s easy for me to say since it wasn’t me in the situation.
June 5th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I was just wondering about Baby Girl. Her relationship with you, last you mentioned, had developed into something quite nice. I wonder what she will decide. You must tell us when the time comes.
It sounds like a good decision was made.
June 5th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Wise as always.
I wouldn’t have gone either. Too many variables Too many things that could go wrong.
But if you do end up going to Baby Girl’s wedding, just remember; not only are you not responsible for the ex’s happiness or unhappiness, neither are you responsible for her actions. But I have a feeling you already know that.
And there’s always champagne. Make the Mister drive home.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Great story.
I think you handled it well, though I would choose to take the Mister’s disappointment as a sweet sign that he wants you to be part of his whole life, not just parts. And he wants everyone else in his life to know just how important you are to him. I think that is endearingly wonderful.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Could we go back to the catching goldfish part?
Really?
Seriously, I am happy it ended well!. I’m glad you didn’t have to face any drama.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
flutter, I don’t know about perfect, they may be raising the bar a little high. I was only going for adequate.
Daisy, I always liked the velveteen rabbit. You never know where you are going to find the real thing.
qt, amen. He got to dance to to Footloose, and I got to go canoeing. We were both happier, and a little wistful.
meno, you know as well as I do, mates by their mere presence and sexual prowess influence you to do things that are out of character. )insert suggestive lewd hand gesture here.)
Maggie, I think that day is closer that I care to admit. I don’t deny Baby Girl any happiness, but the self preservationist in me keeps muttering “oh fuck” over and over. Of course when the time comes I will be in a confessional mood.
Nancy, I don’t know about wise… I was equally interested in preserving my safety zone as I was the Ex’s. Will you be my wingman at Baby Girl’s moment if I need you?
rachel, the Mister is endearing, loving and other adjectives too numerous to mention here. Unfortunately, knowing his desire doesn’t lesson the uncomfortable quotient when it comes to Ex’s. I am self assured, but not self confident. I could have gone, but I wasn’t’ confident that i could behave like a grown-up if faced with a confrontation. My shortcoming, not his :0)
Diane Mandy, yes, the fish i will elaborate in another long-winded post. I’m glad i could avoid the drama too.
June 16th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
[...] lovely expatriate Diane Mandy inquired about the pause in the last post to stop and smell the roses catch the goldfish. The goldfish were my consolation prize after [...]