Extraordinary and uncomfortable circumstances led to the Mister spending six extra days home before we close on the house (a call from work canceling his trip, and his back revolting after he made a wrong move lifting his suitcase). Under normal circumstances, I would be glad to have extra help in the packing, but little packing remains, other than last minute and awkward items. It’s just as well, the Mister lacks motivation in these matters. For him there is always plenty of time, or he becomes bored and starts another task, then another, finishing the first only after my nagging.
His skill lies in making phone calls, lining up utilities, grilling the house inspector, and scrutinizing the good faith estimate. These are important tasks, but I’m becoming more frustrated about having done the lion’s share of the manual labor, and preparations to sell. Mister Hombre believes his supervisory contribution offering packing critiques, is equal to the number boxes I have stacked, walls I have patched, and hours I have spent pressure washing. He has no idea I am within a single hair on a cat’s ass of suggesting he go fuck himself. I don’t care for criticism from someone who has contributed so little sweat, and isn’t paying me for services.
There is talk of logistics, paint colors, and remodel priorities, but little action. The Mister thinks lip service equals taking action. For me lip service is a tease to cloak laziness. The real problem is my eagerness to be settled. I don’t want to participate in a three hour conference to find out he can’t approve paint colors because he can’t visualize it in the space or thinks we should make a special trip with swatches to scrutinize lighting conditions. As usual, the man Martha Stewart has more free time than I have.
There is stress with moving (ya, think?). I remind myself, I’m tired and irritable, all potential arguments are not worth the effort. I recognize the Mister is stressed out by the move, as well as, his parents inability to adjust. He is more likely to argue like his mother when he is stressed, a confrontation in semantics I don’t need.
When Baby Girl and her Man visited, we made a group trip to the Assisted Living Facility to visit the One Eyes. The One Eyes have been very confused about when we are leaving. During the visit, Mrs. One Eye asked three different times if we had moved yet. Then she would scold us. She was disappointed my own mother wasn’t angry with me for leaving. We took turns changing the subject and distracting her from the hurt she continues to pick at like a festered boil, in hopes of making it more painful than it need be.
As we prepared to leave, one of the other residents asked about our move. She asked how I felt about it, and I replied, excited. She took it as a sign of betrayal, as only an eighty-year-old who doesn’t know you can. She scrunched up her face in disapproval, as if it would help her understand. I made no apologies, but said I look forward to every day. I walked away feeling guiltless. Why shouldn’t I pursue what I want? I’ve waited for the One Eyes, the Offspring, and the Mister. Why not me, and why not now?
April 6th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
So…I can’t wait to get the new address! Not only so I can descend on you and your kittehs, but also because I need to mail you a housewarming gift. I am so happy that you’re getting out of the way down deep South.
April 6th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Amen, girl. There is nothing wrong with doing what you need to do for you. Fly little bird!
April 6th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Yes - it is so your time. Let ‘em wrinkle up their noses.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:50 am
I admire your ability to stay focused.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:40 am
No wonder moving ranks right up there with marriage and death in being among the most stressful things in life. Hang in their lady!
April 7th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
liv, after I find the linens and the corkscrew, I’d love for you to visit. You might enjoy a change of scenery as well.
flutter, it’s a privilege we all share.
qt, I think they’ve had plenty of practice.
De, it’s a carefully honed survival skill. Or maybe it’s just an obsession about reaching the finish line.
Diane Mandy, you have more recent experience than I do. One state away hardly compares to a transatlantic flight and culture shock. Things are getting better. A one day break from the Mister is making it easier to get my calm back in check.
April 7th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
moving nearly killed our marriage.
have no guilt, and be excited,
April 7th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Yes, why not you and why not now?
They’ll get used to it, you know. Never fear.
Soon you’ll be settled down in your new place and this stress will be OVER!
Yes, you should be excited!
April 8th, 2008 at 7:07 am
you now is perfect. seriously. you know the saying you can’t please all the people all the time. well some people cannot be pleased any of the time. so go for your dreams and respect yourself.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:02 am
crazymumma, for us it was tiling the bathroom floor together.
rachel, I am totally looking forward to the stress part being over. The real stress doesn’t begin until we load our moving trailer, but all the planning will be over soon.
Maggie, pleasing has never been a priority for me, like being considerate. The two are not the same, though many senior citizens would lead you to believe they are.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Reading you is like going to church. I find hope and I say ‘amen!’ a lot.
And very good for you, for not ‘feeding the dragon’. By that I mean, there are people who behave in a pissy way constantly to get their way. Feeding the dragon is giving in to their demands over and over in the hopes that you will finally win their approval/love/respect/shut them the hell up. But the dragon is always hungry.
‘Dragon’ refers to the behavior, not necessarily the person.
April 12th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Nancy, that’s a wise observation about dragons…and there is hope. I will send you some good karma when I am finished with it.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Why not?
June 5th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Wow, this is so exciting for you. You are such an amazing writer. I don’t say that about many blogs, either. You choose your words so carefully. I love it. It’s why, after months of abscence, I always come back. I am hoping the next few blogs find you more settled. Reading on…