It happened in January.

We were driving home from the Mister’s parent’s (the One Eyes) home. His parents are still in assisted living, but renovations are underway. The One Eye’s want to return home. The Mister and two brothers are opposed, but rather than seizing control of the situation they are placating the One Eyes with stall tactics which could backfire.

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I don’t believe it is proper to tease people, especially when they are unable to make responsible decisions regarding their well-being. I think it is cruel and disrespectful to offer a person the promise of hope when you don’t plan to follow through. However, I didn’t grow up in their family. Maybe for them this acceptable. I clearly don’t understand it, so perhaps I shouldn’t judge.

I watched the Mister and his brother walk through the One Eyes’ home discussing which aspects of the renovation their mother would not approve. The guys were getting completely wrapped around the axle about minor things like how a piece of molding fit, or an aesthetic blemish, but ignoring larger issues like climbing steps to enter the home. Obsessing over appliances and ignoring the 800 lb. gorilla in the room.

It is difficult to witness two grown men reduced to nit picking inconsequential details and refusing to discuss the real issue, what happens after the One Eyes return home? I walked outside. This was a moment of communication between brothers. Some men complain about women reading into situations and speaking in code. Sorry guys, we aren’t alone, we’re just more vocal.

I wanted them to experience the gravity of the moment unclouded by the presence of a woman who disapproved of their inertia. I’ve run out of things to say about the situation and seldom offer opinions about it anymore. Mostly I sit quietly, listen, and try to learn from their experience. I have a mother too, and could easily find myself in a similar situation. I don’t expect it to be any easier, but I’d rather make new mistakes than old ones.

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The drive home was quiet. He adjusted the radio while I watched the world pass. He broke the silence, “I’m ready to put our house on the market”. I paused for thought. I wasn’t sure if my brain was processing his message. My heart said believe, but my mouth uttered, “do you really mean it?”

“Yes, I kept waiting for the right time, but there’s always one more thing…There’s always going to be one more thing.”

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For relevant posts to the moving saga, read here and here.