When I was young, my father was an absentee parent. His job required extensive travel, leaving my mother with all the responsibility. I adapted to his absence, and accepted the normality of it. It’s true, you can get used to almost anything.

The year my sister left for college, is the first time I remember feeling abandoned. In spite our seven year age difference, we very involved in each other’s lives. It wasn’t simply her departure. It was the bomb she dropped before she left and the realization there were no buffers between me and my mom. What can I say? Puberty is Hell.

In college, relationships were forged, as we stayed up late enveloped in our newly acquired superiority and solved the world’s problems. Graduation. Then, one by one, everyone moved away. Finally I left too, but returned and fell in love.

I fell for the one who would leave me behind frequently, but always return.

For me, it’s easier to be the one who leaves. Leaving is active, you are moving towards something and often have a purpose that distracts you from the realization of deserting someone. Having spent so much of my life being the one left, I know the void that erupts the moment the the door closes.

Tuesday, I left first. The Mister was still sleeping quietly when I leaned in to kiss him good bye. It was o’fuck thirty and I chose not linger, hoping he would drift back to sleep. It was strange leaving him behind, while I drove to the airport, but my thoughts quickly shifted to the day ahead.

I’ve flown many times, but rarely has anyone been awaiting my arrival. It’s different than someone waiting for you to pull into the driveway. It feels more personal, the waiting is participatory. You feel wanted.

Departing at an airport…is harder.

I returned home and found this note from Mister Hombre. I hadn’t anticipated my return to be welcome per se, but finding the note was much like being greeted at the door.

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Friday, he will return from work and be equally welcome home. Next week, we will return our routine and once again he will be doing the leaving.