If it Would Stop Bleeding, I’d Seal It with Super Glue
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned, I’m stubborn. Very stubborn. It isn’t always a bad stubborn, sometimes it’s suitable arm candy for determination. Other times well, if you wish to hear about other times, you’ll have to wait for Mister Hombre to start his own, damn blog. I’m not so stubborn, that I am incapable of admitting when I’m wrong. Don’t hold your breath, this post isn’t about that, it’s about my being proud and pragmatic.
Possibly the most constructive aspect of being obstinate lies in my DIY gene. I prefer to think of it as disease, but I suspect I’m just another helpless insect attempting to do the backstroke through the gene pool. Because I have the luxury of time, I feel compelled to research, how to. How to: replace the toilet flapper, install tile, cut and install crown molding, repair rotten window sashes, install a wireless router, reformat the hard drive, and make pesto from scratch. I am not of the opinion that everyone should share my desire to learn new things. I support your decision to pursue tasks, you are comfortable pursuing. Period.
DIY is responsible for the tradition of creating my own holiday cards. This year’s design is more complicated than the previous years’ attempts. Nonetheless, each year raises the bar, and complicates the construction process. After four prototypes and gratuitous swearing, I decided upon a design and began cutting down the paper. Six hundred cuts with an xacto knife, two hundred scores, and lots of gluing. Tedious work, but I only do this once a year.
All was going well, slowly, but according to plan, when the cutting knife slipped. Yeah. Go ahead and say the f-word. I assure you I said the f-word, several times. It wasn’t terribly gruesome. The blade followed the nail of my index finger and went an additional half inch or so. I can’t tell how deep, because I’m trying to keep the gash sealed. I’ll spare you any more details. I managed to dash to the bathroom before “dripping” on the coveted holiday paper, but my wound dressing skills leave much to be desired.

Yup, that’s toilet paper and painter’s tape, because I felt driven to complete the task of cutting paper for the cards. (And what you can’t see in the photo is the sterile bandage next to the wound, which helped keep the gash closed, but not so much on absorbing the red stuff.) After completing the cutting duties, I evaluated my error in judgement and doused it in hydrogen peroxide, ’cause I’m pretty sure Reagan was in office the last time I had a tetanus shot. Damn thing was still bleeding….And now it’s throbbing.
The worst part about this, is Mister Hombre will roll in from work tomorrow and totally treat me like a petulant child with a milk mustache, ’cause I nicked my finger. He’s such a mother hen about my handling knives. For goodness sakes, I made over six hundred cuts today, and only one of them was bad. I’ll take those odds, and look, Ma, no stitches!
On a side note, seven years ago, I shaved off an eighth of an inch of my index finger with an xacto. It throbbed like a mother. On the same day, I also had the misfortune of suffering through a root canal. The dental work wasn’t nearly as painful as the finger decapitation. The dentist was generous and gave me a prescription for pain meds after the procedure. My tooth never bothered me, but that night when I rolled over in bed on to the wounded finger, I woke up with a throbbing pain so strong, I had to dig into the root canal pain meds. Nice!
The throbbing is impairing my typing, I hear a glass of red, and a tuxedo cat calling my name. Hopefully, I won’t toss and turn tonight.
December 10th, 2007 at 1:19 am
Damn, that hurt, and i don’t even have the cut.
Nice wrapping job. Did you ever work as a nurse?
Pretty kitty, all snuggled up.
December 10th, 2007 at 1:58 am
I’ll take my card without finger, please!
December 10th, 2007 at 9:26 am
yikes, chica. At least the blood is the right color for the season.
I somehow got a paper cut on the tip of my middle finger while at the library, and it’s been ever so painful for a week. Are you sure about the “no stitches” part?
December 10th, 2007 at 11:13 am
oh, lovey. that must hurt like a bitch. was that before or after we talked??
and, really, if you want to get into some DIY, i have a bathroom that i’m desperately trying to finish before the ‘rents get here. it’s not shrimp, but it’s pretty awesome.
December 10th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
excellent wrapping job. that also works well for cooking cuts when you need to continue working with food.
it’s a comfort to know i’m not the only clutz with knives.
dope up and feel better
December 10th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
meno, it didn’t REALLY hurt until 3:00 AM when I rolled on it…..Jeez, I came really close to polishing off the limoncello.
So my special level of skill shows?
flutter, send me your address and you shall have one sans finger.
De, no I’m not sure, but there isn’t much to stitch unless they go through the fingernail….and I’ don’t think I could consume enough alcohol to allow it.
liv, after. I don’t know if I would be much help, I’m wounded. Okay not really, I’ve done three bathrooms already…I’m toast on those.
December 10th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
I have a special knack for cutting and burning myself around the holidays, too. Luckily, I got the burn out of the way on Thanksgiving…
Feel better, and oh yes, I had to go back and look at all the cards and they are awesome!!!
December 10th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
oh man. I hate xacto blade cuts. Keep an eye on it ok?
December 11th, 2007 at 12:50 am
I sense a theme with your Christmas cards.
Feel better!
December 11th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Yowoch! I hate that when I do that! Hope you didn’t get any of the red stuff on the cards.
December 11th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Yikes. Too bad you didn’t just happen to have one of those metal finger splints available to protect your finger. In my household we have 3…all different sizes. They really work…you might want to invest in one, unless you want to make it yourself. Can’t wait to see the unveiling of your holiday card:~)
December 12th, 2007 at 3:20 am
Determined and creative! Good thing you didn’t need a tourniquet. WHo knows what you would’ve come up with!
December 12th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Maggie, I think i overlapped you the first time. Um yeah the cooking cuts, luckily there’s a door from the kitchen that goes directly into the garage, in lieu of a proper first aid kit
QT, you mean I can count on getting burned too? I mean literally of course, metaphorically being burned is a given.
crazymumma, will do. As of now, it seems to be healing well.
nancy, yeah a theme absolves a person of the responsibility of producing respectable content….and it also makes Bing Crosby seem like an uptight white guy.
Wayfarer, all the red stuff wad neatly contained…unlike a previous incident.
Diane Mandy, tourniquet, that’s easy, that would be a bungy cord or a garbage tie.
December 30th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
What I want to know is who put in that pretty white tile?
And I hope you feel better.
December 31st, 2007 at 10:59 am
mama P, the house contractor was responsible for the tile. My tile project was less ambitious. I am currently bandage free.