The abbreviated version of Monday’s appointment yielded no additional deterioration of the spine since my mother’s last appointment (2004) with this physician. The doctor didn’t find any evidence of additional nerve damage or compressed discs. He diagnosed the source of her pain as tendonitis in the hip and prescribed six weeks of physical therapy. If the pain level doesn’t return to a tolerable level, she is to make an appointment with a different specialist she saw in July. No news (in regard to her spine) is very good news.

This appointment was a reminder of how much time I have spent in the dark. Actually how much time I have opted to spend in the dark. Because I am a private person, I approach others as if there preferences resemble my own. I don’t dig deeply for information if it is evident someone doesn’t want to share (yet another reason I’m not mother material). If body language indicates a need to talk, I ask, but I don’t push.

My mother is a closed person when it comes to her medical limitations. She is a proud woman and doesn’t want anyone to worry about her, know how much pain she has, or how much medication she takes. I have respected her comfort levels in the past, but I need to reconsider this. She is more easily rattled than she was ten years ago, she has the attention span of a two-year old, and she gets fixated on problems and doesn’t listen to input. Her mental capacity is still in tact, but when there is additional stress, she has trouble keeping her information straight.

By sitting in the exam room and listening to both the doctor and his PA, I learned more about my mother’s condition than I had known. I saw the x-ray of her spine and the scoliosis curve (holy shit!). I learned the appointment was made because she is experiencing pain in her right leg from her hip to the top of her foot, and some pain in her left leg from hip to knee. I also learned that in her July appointment with a different doctor in the the same practice (this Dr implanted a nerve stimulator into her right hip 3-4 years ago to help with pain management), she didn’t bother to mention the pain in her leg, only that she wanted the nerve stimulator taken out. Apparently she didn’t mention why, and he didn’t ask.

Monday’s doctor chided her a little for not keeping her medical team informed of changes in her condition. I admit I was a little bumfucked at her lack of disclosure. Rather than berating her like a petulant child with a milk mustache, it seems I will need to be more proactive and knowledgeable about her care.

I’m not going to lie (I promised myself I would always be honest with myself on this blog, even if I chose to be coward in real life), I’m not looking forward to being involved. I’ve seen the writing on the wall watching my in-laws advance in age, and isn’t pretty. I would like to protect my mother from the inevitable clusterfuck of communication that will occur, if my siblings and I choose not to chaperone. I don’t want that for her or anyone else.