Most of you know, we’ve hit the tri-fecta of surgeries. I received the call Monday afternoon, which is a huge improvement over the three AM announcement for the previous surgery. She was admitted via doctors orders, bypassing the emergency room wait, alleviating a little of the usual stress.

Whenever Mister Hombre goes to work, there is always the possibility that something like this will happen. I’ve been preparing myself mentally, for a while. I believe Meno coined the phrase “anticipatory grief” which applies appropriately here. Don’t misread my pragmatism as a lack of concern, my goal is to be level-headed, and strong on the family’s behalf. There is enough pain and hurt to go around. I don’t have the power to take it away. I try to focus on the areas I can make a difference.

I have a distinct coping advantage over Mister Hombre and his brothers. These are not my parents and I’m not afraid of defying them (the antagonist in me enjoys it). By the time I married into the family, the good old days had past. They were just a pair of crotchety, bitter, demanding, self-entitled seniors, but I don’t believe they were always that way. Over the years, I’ve seldom seen them happy. Their happiness lies in the glory days of tired stories, satsuma crops, and good food.

Life has thrown them a few curve balls, and their bitterness is understandable, but it does not make them beloved. Mrs One Eye simply cannot control who she has become, holding her accountable is foolish at this stage of her dementia. It is difficult for me to dismiss my past hurts; those I experienced when she was in her right mind. One of my character flaws, is my ability to hold onto hurt longer than necessary. I am not so callous as to be incapable of forgiveness, but forgiving for the same transgression repeatedly….As the saying goes, “Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me.”

And now I am left with no closure and no choices in the matter.

Marching on… Remarkably, she has been appreciative the last two times I waited with her. When it’s just the two of us, she been calm and appreciative of the companionship. She’s still confused, but she’s more passive. For now we have a good rapport in her mind. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman. Maybe it’s because I listen more than I speak. Maybe she remembers that I’m not going to take shit off her. Maybe it’s because she thinks I’m someone I’m not. Maybe doesn’t matter. I have no choice but to ride this wave, I don’t know where the surge originated, but I know better than to waste time questioning it. Eventually this too will crest and I will become one of THEM.