I intended to post something other than this, but that was before I was awakened by a ringing phone at o’ fuck thirty. At first I thought it was a dream, then I realized it was a telephone, and I eventually concluded it was my telephone. I managed to answer before the answering machine worked it’s magic, but it felt like time was passing in hours not seconds.

I was greeted by a caregiver from the in-laws assisted living facility. Yeah, I know. Here we go again. My mother-in-law fell and fractured her OTHER hip. Two broken hips in less than three months. Yeah. I met everyone at the emergency room at 4 AM. We didn’t get her results until eight. Luckily she was stoned out of her gourd on pain medicine, so she slept a lot.

I went home for a few hours, ate breakfast and changed clothes. I couldn’t unwind enough to catch a power nap. I’m not at my sharpest today and I can tell because Patches stood on the kitchen table nuzzling my cheek for ten minutes before I realized “Oh, shit! You’re not allowed on the table.”

Mrs One Eye (MIL) was admitted and moved to a room. She will have surgery today or tomorrow, but the procedure is not as complex as the full hip replacement she had in March. They will put in a couple of screws to prevent the fracture from gaping. Though less invasive, the recovery is still lengthy.

The caregiver took Ole One Eye (FIL) back to the ALF to shower and get some rest. So here I am back at the hospital sitting with Mrs One Eye. She gets terribly confused, but that is okay because she’s extremely stubborn and she thinks her mind is crystal clear. She sleeping right now so my job is easy. But with a four day stay ahead of her, there will plenty of time for hallucinations and fits of madness…just like the last time. I wish her head wasn’t such a frightening place

Mister Hombre is somewhere over the Atlantic so he won’t know about the fall until he clears customs. His brother (who lives here) had to take care of some business, and he won’t return until later tonight. I called the youngest brother and asked him to pass the word. He just sighed, over and over. I hope someone will relieve me of sentry duty this afternoon. It just isn’t right human for me to abandon her, but I suspect if I were the one on the other side of the bed rail…

Don’t be mislead by the masthead. This blog has little to do with cats. It’s more about waste management. Shit must be handled properly. If disposed of in a cavalier fashion, it can poison the water supply, or be stepped in and tracked across clean surfaces. Hence the litterpan, an unpleasant device which serves a very useful purpose.

If you’re here, it’s either a.) because you’re curious or b.) you want to be here. You may be wondering what is with the emailing why not post a link? Excellent question. Family has the web address for Claw~less & Ball~less because I gave it to them. I don’t regret sharing, but I need a secluded location to write from first person, from my person without confining myself with censorship. If you are family, and you have found this url, as I have not taken efforts to conceal it, I respectfully ask you not to return. I have no intentions of sullying your good name or telling the world about your insert embarrassing ethical dilemma here. Like you, I need a place where I can sit in peace and contemplate life.

Patches’ website will remain in tact for now. He is the wittier of the two of us, and he has plenty to say. He will continue to participate in Poetry Friday and woo you with alcohol induced bad poetry and his attempts at clever illustrations. As of this posting, neither blog has any clear goals or target audience. I suppose we will be surprised by the results together.

If you’re wondering how I got here, you’re not alone, I’ve asked myself the same question. I have a fear of failing, so it seemed easier to fail under the assumed identity of a mammal with a brain the size of a golf ball who licks his own testicles. It’s a lower elevation to fall from grace. I bumped into a few limitations trying to project my voice through my ball~less, though wonderfully affectionate house cat. So it is time to grow a spine and speak for myself.